Nectarine & Mascarpone Cheese Pie

This is the super practical pie I made last Saturday in hurricane anticipation.  At the time, I wanted to use up the remaining deliciously sweet and juicy nectarines we had from the ridiculous 5lb box we bought last week.  I also had visions of the power going out and Joe and I romantically eating homemade pie directly from the pan by candlelight. 

(Side note: nothing kills the-power-is-out romance like your dad texting you upon hearing that the power is out, that it "could be a very romantic night," followed by a smiley face, followed by a text that says, "lots of girls will be conceived tonight named Irene!"  Annnnnd...scene.  Not in this house.  Way to make sure you're never a grandparent.) 

Since there was also a possibility that my efforts would be ditched in the event of unplanned evacuation, I did not bother making a homemade crust for this, and instead used store-bought roll-out pie crust dough.  If you go this route, this pie is very easy as far as pies go. 

I used this recipe for peach & crème fraîche pie from Smitten Kitchen, and substituted nectarines and mascarpone cheese since that's what I had on hand.  This is such a great summer pie, so delicious and not at all overly sweet.  It's fantastic served warm in a bowl with a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream on top, but it was even great cold the next day.

It Made Total Sense At The Time

Growing up in Texas, tornado warnings and sirens were quite normal, but I've never prepared for or lived through a hurricane.  My dad and two older brothers were born and raised in New Orleans, and my little brother and I were born there and lived there the first few years of our lives.  So my only personal-feeling experience with hurricanes was watching the coverage of Katrina from my NYC dorm room with tears streaming down my face at the beginning of my senior year of college.  Not that Irene and Katrina are in the same category, but just the word "hurricane" conjures up awful images and causes a great deal of anxiety, especially if one is coming and you have no experience preparing. 

We got ready by stocking up on bottled water, canned beans, tuna, and crackers; we bought an extra flashlight; brought the grill and patio table inside; and made sure we had a full tank of gas in the car.

Then Joe worked all day Saturday and I was left on my own to work myself into an anxious tizzy of waiting and speculating and preparing. 

Left to my own devices, this is apparently how I prepare for hurricanes:

• Organize all the long-ignored stacks of paper on the desk and dining table.  Shred what needs shredding, file what needs filing, put the rest in recycle bin.  This was somewhat logical.
• Do laundry.  So we have plenty of clean underwear and towels in case there's no power for a while.  Again, logical.
• Sanitize the bathtub and fill it with water so in case a water main breaks, we can still flush the toilet with a bucket of water and also have water for washing and brushing our teeth.  Very reasonable. 
• Move all the file boxes with important documents to the highest shelf possible.  Practical.
• Make sure all laptops, phones, and the iPad were fully charged. Good.

Here's where the logic starts to break down:

• I cleaned all the counter tops and mirrors in the house.  I don't know.
• I dusted the entire house.  In case all the windows break and water, wind, and debris rushes in, at least all the dust won't be swirled about.
• I replaced the Kleenex in the decorative Kleenex holder.  In case the hurricane strikes and we get colds.
• I washed my face and took off all make-up.  What if I can't wash my face properly for days?
• I made a huge pot of red beans & rice.  You know, because.
• I made a pie.  What if firefighters have to rescue us?  That's company.  My Southern roots run deeper than I knew. 
• I resisted the overwhelming urge to clean the floors.  I hate cleaning the floors.  This was the only illogical task I was able to talk myself out of. 

So apparently, when faced with impending catastrophe, my instinct is to obsessively clean the entire house and prepare enough food to feed everyone for weeks.  If there was ever any doubt I am my grandmother's granddaughter, the speculation can now end.

I am very relieved my anxiety-fueled, silly preparations proved unnecessary and am keeping those who are suffering right now in my thoughts.  May this be the last bit of storminess you have to deal with for quite some time.

Maybe This Is Why No One's Shown Up Yet?? Just Guessing.

PECO is the Philadelphia area's electric and gas utility provider.  Since hundreds of thousands of people in our area are without power after Irene paid us a visit, I imagine they are quite busy.  We lost power about 10:00 Saturday night when a tree branch fell on some power lines nearby.  By the time I woke up on Sunday (granted it was around noonish), power was back up and running.  I was quite happy with PECO's response time, but not everyone felt that way apparently, and they took to Twitter to share their gripes.

Some of my personal favorites:

They're upset.  I get it.  And social media is a fantastic way to make your voice heard.  I totally support it.  Except...you guys?  This is @peco's twitter page:

The poor dear must be SO confused.



Preparedness

Given that the East Coast must have recently really, really pissed someone off, we are experiencing and anticipating some eventful weather in these here parts.  Here in Philly, we've already had the wettest August on record.  We've had rain and thunderstorms 2-3 times a week it feels like, and temperatures have been uncharacteristically low (I am not complaining about this part).  On Tuesday, we had an earthquake.  This weekend, there will be a hurricane. 

It's a little nerve wracking.  Given that I had a harrowing near-miss experience on Tuesday when the earthquake hit (I was getting a manicure in anticipation of starting the new job, and had we actually felt the earthquake at the nail salon, the lady might have had to do that finger over), I am determined to be more prepared for the upcoming hurricane. 

The extent of this is that I consulted my renter's insurance policy this morning to make sure I am earthquake and hurricane and locust (it's only a matter of time) covered.  What I discovered is that I am not covered in the event of flood (from outside) or earthquake.  Nor am I covered in the event of war, nuclear event, or volcano.  Well.  What the hell have I been paying $11/month for?

I read the policy very closely to be sure.  I am fairly certain I am covered if the earthquake causes a fire which destroys everything or if hail and/or wind causes a hole in the wall and/or roof and then the water gets in and destroys everything but I am not covered if said holes are not caused by hail and/or wind but instead are caused by tsunami.  Those are what we call loopholes.  My law degree is totally paying off.

Cookies & Cream Brownies

Sometimes I lie awake at night just thinking about baked goods.  Specifically, everything about every sweet thing I love and how it could be translated into a brownie.  Because everything would taste better on a brownie.  Pecan pie brownie.  Praline brownie.  Coconut cheesecake brownie.  You get the idea.  Those seem a bit ambitious.  Cookies and cream brownies, on the other hand, can be done now.  First, you make brownies.  Done.  Next, smash Oreos in a plastic baggie.  Fun.  Then, make a milk glaze.  Easy.  Last, sprinkle on smashed Oreos.  Perfection. 

I used the cocoa brownie recipe for this, featured previously here, recipe from here.  I chose the cocoa brownie because it's a bit fudgier with a rich, dense chocolate flavor, which seemed better suited for an Oreo-inspired brownie.  I did cut the sugar by 1/4 cup, because I did not want the dessert to be overly sweet once the glaze and cookies were added. 

Once the brownies come out of the oven, set them aside to cool and make the glaze.  In a small saucepan, heat 1 Tbs of unsalted butter, 2 Tbs of half & half, and 1 cup of powdered sugar.  Whisk until the glaze is smooth and barely bubbling.

Immediately pour the glaze over the brownies and smooth into the corners to evenly coat the brownies.  Then sprinkle on the crushed Oreos.  Let them cool for another 20-30 minutes so the glaze can set before cutting.  (I put them in the fridge for about an hour.)

P.S. Fluorescent kitchen lighting and a crappy camera do not do these recipes justice.  I am officially putting this on my wish list.

Just When You Think You Know Someone

When Joe moved in back in February, I wanted him to feel at home.  I suggested that we frame some of his family photos and mix them in with mine around the house so it wasn't just my family and friends staring back at him from walls and shelves.  To that end, his mom brought me an envelope full of family photos so I could make copies and have a few blown up to frame. 

Take a journey with me through Joe's youth, won't you?

What an adorable baby Joey in a basket.

So much to see at Disneyworld.

They grow up so fast.

A teenage boy and his cat.

A teenage boy playing video games with his cat.  Sure.

A teenage boy spending Christmas with his cat.  Opening presents with his cat...for his cat.  Um..?

So....you really, really liked your cat?

Y'all?  Shit just got weird.

Sweet heavens.  WHERE IS YOUR OTHER HAND?

I am at a loss as to which to frame. 

Also:

Heehee.

Freedom

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Why am I only finding out about this now?  My GPA would have been higher, work would have been done before 3:00 am and hysterical tears commenced, the budget would have been balanced and diabetes cured.  An invention to save me from myself.  This would have been life changing, I tell you! 

Soooooo

I got a job offer last week and I have accepted.  Not without some mixed feelings though.  The job is perfectly great, fun and exciting even, but it requires changing my expectations and temporarily letting go of the vision I had of what life would be like after law school. 

I will be working for my law school as an admissions recruiter, which will involve working with prospective students, helping them navigate the admissions process, and traveling around the country to meet with students and tell them about my law school.  I have no problem doing this.  I loved my law school experience, I love and believe in the school I went to, I know everyone there and adore them.  I love to travel and think it's going to be a lot of fun to check out new cities and maybe even extend some trips into the weekend with Joe or friends or my mama.  These are all pros.

Cons: I'm not using my degree in the way I planned, I won't be making the income a recent law school graduate might reasonably expect, the job is temporary for now and will only last 6 months which doesn't provide me with the level of security I would like.  I also am making a 6 month commitment, so should I be offered a great job as a first-year associate some time in November, I can't accept it and have to hope they will be willing to wait until March.  On the other hand, I can call off the job search for a bit and take a much needed break from the job search hustle.  I don't know what will happen in 6 months.  There may be another position I can transition into at the law school or there might not be.  Maybe the economy will be slightly better and I can more easily find a traditional legal job or maybe not.  This alleviates a lot of immediate concerns, but still leaves a lot of unknowns. 

There's a part of me that is just happy to know there will be a salary for the next 6 months and that I get to do something fun and interesting and take a break from the traditional legal grind.  Then there's a part of me that just wants to be able to start my damn life already.  I just want to be able to plan for more than a semester or a summer or 6 months ahead.  I want to move on to the next phase.  I want to think about getting married and having kids and buying a house and getting a dog with excitement instead of frustration and fear. 

College and working like a crazy person and law school has all been to get me to the point where I could start my life and now it's finally supposed to be within my grasp and I still can't move towards it.  Everything is still temporary and in bits and pieces. 

I was recently talking to my cousin Kim about all this and I told her I get now why people would never want to re-live their 20s.  It's so frustrating and scary not knowing what's next and how everything is going to unfold and being broke.  I hate this.  It's exciting, she said.  You're so lucky.  You're going to look back at this time in your life one day and miss it.  I love her very much, but I call bullshit.  That is not my feeling about any of this right now.

I get that this is life.  You can't make plans and have everything always work out because that's what you expected.  It doesn't work that way.  I get that I'm incredibly lucky to have had two job offers in the last three months and to have firms where I know I can count on part-time hours if I need them, when I know lots of people who are struggling to even get interviews.  It's just frustrating to have worked so hard for so long, to theoretically have done everything right, and to have the rest of it be out of your control and not work out the way you hoped. 

But on the bright side, I'm really excited about the new job and the chance to do something different.  I'm happy to set mopey aside for a bit and concentrate on something new.  Though I'll also be quite happy when all this growing up crap is over.

Salmon Stir-fry

Lately, I have featured a varied array of delicious, but maybe kind of slightly not-so-healthy dishes (see here, here, and here).  As proof that we do eat healthy around here sometimes, mostly in fact (ish), I bring you this.  Proof.  Because you probably weren't giving it a second thought but I have been very concerned about your perceptions of my eating habits.  I very much care what you think, you see.  For what it's worth, I have always thought you were rather charming.

So, stir-fry.

We are very lucky to live walking distance from one of the best Chinese food restaurants in the country.  Even so, sometimes you just don't want to leave the house.  Luckily, stir-fry will usually satisfy those Chinese food cravings and it's super easy and versatile to make at home.  You can mix and match whatever vegetables you have handy with whatever seafood or meat you've got around.  Easy peasy. 

A lot of the Asian recipes you come across though are filled with a long list of intimidating ingredients that are expensive and likely to only be used once if you're anything like me.  Then years later, you'll come across that bottle of oyster sauce in the back of the cabinet and wonder how the hell that got there.  Along with the random can of minestrone soup and the bottle of marjoram you needed for that one thing that one time.  All those Asian sauces and potions are delicious and would take our at-home version to the next level, I'm sure, but it's just too much for me. 

The only sort of persnickety you-might-not-already-have items in this version are toasted sesame oil and fresh ginger. Toasted sesame oil (we get ours at Trader Joe's) I use all the time drizzled over grilled vegetables, in salads, and in marinades.  Adds a ton of flavor and so yummy.  A little goes a looooong way though so be careful.  And ginger because I love it.  One ginger root will last you forever.  You usually only use an inch or so at a time in recipes (or steeped in tea - so good!).  Then put the rest in a plastic baggie and throw it in the freezer until next time.

I also garnished mine with crumbled dried roasted seaweed.  I usually eat it as a snack with brown rice.  My mom used to feed this to us when we were little.  Anything weird I do, you can pretty much blame her.  Mostly.

Try it!

This version adapted slightly from this food network recipe.

1 pound salmon, cut into cubes (can substitute chicken, shrimp, steak, anything really)
3 cloves garlic, minced
4 scallions, diced, separate white from green and reserve green for garnish
1-inch piece of peeled fresh ginger, minced
1 Tbs soy sauce
2 Tbs sugar
1 1/2 Tbs cornstarch
1 1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp freshly ground black pepper
1 Tbs toasted sesame oil
1/3 cup water
1/4 tsp red chili flake
canola oil
veggies of choice.  We used:
1 orange bell pepper, diced
2 carrots, peeled and diced
1 1/2 cups snow peas
2 cups mushrooms, sliced
2 cups baby bok choy, diced

In a medium bowl, mix the salmon with the white scallions, half the garlic and ginger, soy sauce, sugar, 1/2 Tbs of the cornstarch, 1 tsp of salt, and toasted sesame oil to coat.  Let it sit on the counter for 15-20 minutes.

Mix remaining 1 Tbs of cornstarch with 1/3 cup of water.

Heat a high-sided skillet on high and add canola oil.  Add your veggies of choice and saute for only about 2 minutes.  You want the veggies to still have some bite.  Add the remaining garlic and ginger, and 2 Tbs of water (not the cornstarch mixture).  Add the 1/2 tsp of salt and pepper.  Saute for another 2 minutes.  Transfer the veggies to a bowl and set aside for now.

Reheat the skillet and add canola oil.  Add the salmon and saute 3-4 minutes.  Return the veggies to the skillet and toss together with the salmon.  Add the red chili flake.  Stir in the cornstarch/water mixture.  Bring to a boil, the sauce will thicken.  If the sauce is too thick, add some water.  Add salt and pepper to taste.

Serve over brown rice, or couscous, or quinoa (quinoa is in the pics above because we didn't want to wait the 40 minutes for the brown rice).

Garnish with toasted sesame seeds if you've got them and reserved green scallions (and crumbled dried, roasted seaweed if you so desire).

This Should Not Make Me This Happy

This past weekend, my desperate need to get out of the house and my little cousin Sophia's 4th birthday party in New York fortuitously overlapped.  We decided to rent me a car so I could stay for a few days, and also so I could have something to zip around in because I have interviews and part-time job places to be through Wednesday of this week. 

I opted for the cheapest offer and was quite happy to be able to rent an economy car for $16/day.  When we went to pick it up, they told me they didn't have any economy cars left, but they would let me have the only car currently available for the same rate.

The guy pointed.  I looked outside.  The clouds parted, I heard singing, and one of heaven's sweet angels shone a light down on a gorgeous, shiny, brand spanking new SUV.  Fully loaded.  Leather seats.  Sirius satellite radio.  New car smell.  I'M IN LOVE. 

I have mentioned before that guilt keeps me happily driving my little hybrid, but SUV's have a special place in my heart.  It's not like a big deal or anything, but I just feel better about life when I'm driving one.  Especially one as fricken-fracken gorgeous as this one.  That is totally normal and healthy.  I just want to drive it.  Do you need milk?  Can I run an errand for you?  Do you need me haul something?  Can I pick up some furniture for you?  I will be more than happy to help you out. 

I don't want to alarm the good people at Hertz or anything, but come Wednesday, I'm not sure I'm going to be bringing this car back.  Grand theft auto aside, the worst that can happen is they max out the credit card I provided at pick-up.  I might be willing to risk that 256 dollars. 

Love

So sweet and pretty, vintage-y and a little different.  I wish these sweet, dainty rings looked good on me, but a thicker band seems to flatter my hands more.  It's a damn shame.

All rings via Ken + Dana design.

Buffalo Chicken Pizza

I'm pretty sure I could go vegetarian without much difficulty.  Left to my own devices, I don't include a lot of meat in my diet.  I love me some burgers and steaks and grilled chicken, but preparing it grosses me out.  Meat also makes me feel guilty.  I try to buy grass-fed or organic as much as possible.  I also try to buy it from a local butcher at the farmer's market to avoid the pre-packaged, mistreated, antibiotic-infused grocery store variety.  Have you seen Food, Inc.?  That documentary changed everything for me and made me want to be a much more conscious food consumer.  Much like The Business of Being Born made me resolve to have all my babies naturally.  Of course then later I have a single period cramp, pop seven Midol, park on the couch with a hot, wet washcloth over my belly, moan a lot, and mentally make a note to request an epidural, preferably now.  At least conscious meat buying I can actually do.

All that to say that I have never had a chicken wing, buffalo-style or otherwise.  Because as much as meat kinda grosses me out, meat on the bone is absolutely a deal breaker.  Meat is one thing; meat on the bone is carcass.  Can't do it. 

When in doubt, put it on a pizza.  A buffalo chicken delivery system without the whole carcass issue.  I'd like to take credit, but this was all Joe.  He used this recipe and it was amazing.  The blue cheese and onion makes this dish, especially the blue cheese, because oh my gracious, blue cheese. 

Ignore the fact that I introduced a recipe in the most unappetizing way possible by first discussing things that disgust me.  Just try this.

Trapped

For the last several days, I've been existing on a very thin plane somewhere between quite content and intensely miserable.  My mood shifts between the two about a 100 times a day.  My brain never stops and I am driving myself crazy.  I'm bored but don't feel like doing anything.  I need to get out of the house but I don't want to spend money. 

It doesn't help that Joe and I have been sharing a car since he moved in, which has always been fine.  Our lives pretty much revolve around a 10 mile radius and our schedules have been pretty flexible, so sharing a car has been a great way to save money and hasn't been a big deal.  Right now though it's making me feel trapped.  He goes to work every day and I'm stuck.  I have nowhere to go and nowhere to be, but I'm getting to the point that I hate being in this apartment.  I feel disgusting, I haven't felt sunshine in days, the walls are closing in, my sleep schedule is completely out of whack.  But even given the opportunity, there's nothing I really feel like doing.  I don't know what to do with myself.  I got out of the shower yesterday and the idea of putting sweatpants on again almost brought me to tears. 

While all that is weighing me down, I'm simultaneously very grateful that we have the money from the sale of Joe's condo tucked away and I don't have to worry about not being able to pay the rent or paying bills for the foreseeable future, even if I can't find a job.  Joe has got it covered.  I'm enjoying the gift of time free of demands and deadlines and tests.  It's nice not to feel obligated, to be able to sleep in, and to spend the day cooking. 

I've been hustling the last week, contacting every person in my network to let them know I'm back on the job market.  "Please keep me in mind..."  If you are a lawyer or you know a lawyer or you once exchanged pleasantries with a lawyer on public transportation, I am your new best friend.  Who do you know, what can I do, have I told you how charming I've always found you...?  I have two part-time jobs lined up that are available until I find something permanent and have an interview next week for a full-time, albeit temporary, position (it would only last through next March). 

My brain is also whirring with what else I can do.  Is all this some cosmic message that I need to be exploring other options?  What would make me happy?  What else is possible?  I have an inkling I know the answer.  Big ideas have to start slowly, though.  It takes time and energy and effort. 

Right now I'm feeling a bit burned out and am motivated solely by the pressing need to make money.  The grace period on my student loans is up in November.  I need to be able to start making those payments when that due date arrives.  I will avoid deferring no matter what it takes.  The idea of that interest expanding while I defer payment indefinitely terrifies me.  It's not an option. 

It's a clusterfuck of emotion up in here.  I'm not sure of which direction to go.  Right now, the plan is to throw a bunch of stuff at the wall and see what sticks.  First one to make me a job offer wins!  You want me to do what?  Why, that's what I've always wanted to do!  What a coincidence. 

Right now, I'd settle for just having a reason to pluck my eyebrows.  Other than sheer decency. 

Cocoa Brownies

Cakes and cupcakes and candies can occupy you for a while, but there's nothing like a brownie.  It's the perfect dessert.  These are pretty close to a perfect version.  Dense, fudgy, and decadent without being so rich as to prevent you eating the whole thing, which is such a relief.

Hard to believe, but this is all it takes to achieve perfection.  Who knew?

Not pictured: the egg that rolled off the counter and splattered everywhere or the huge dent in the middle of the finished brownies because a box of popsicles tumbled on top when I put them in the freezer to cool faster.  I did not lick brownie off the corner of the popsicle box.  That did not happen.

Word.

me:  I don't know what I would do if you weren't here.  Thank you for being here and taking care of everything and all your support and love.  Having you here to lean on makes all the difference.  Really.

Joe:  We pick each other up.  That's what teammates do. 

Then we totally exchanged a fist bump.

Happy Place

So Sunday was a rough day.  I had to get out of the house, needed some time alone.  I didn't know where I was going to go when I left.  I drove by a small independent movie theater near my house, parked and went inside.  It was 4:13 and one of the two movies they were showing had started at 4:00, but since I really didn't care, I bought a ticket and settled in for some distraction.  The movie was good, but I wasn't long into it before I started daydreaming.  About baked goods.  Specifically about how good a chocolate cupcake with peanut butter icing would be.  That would be good.  What if you put a Reese's peanut butter cup inside the cupcake?  That would be better.  Must do that now.

Baking relaxes me, brings me to my happy place, making 1000 desserts is on my Life List.  But all of that is irrelevant, because it is just a fact that when you start thinking about peanut butter cup stuffed chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter icing, you must make them.  That's just truth.

After the movie was over, I went to the grocery store and purchased everything I thought I might need that I didn't already have.  I didn't have a recipe in mind, just figured I would do some research when I got home and then wing it.  I got all the way home and realized I wanted buttermilk.  I had forgotten buttermilk.  I made Joe go get buttermilk.  When he came home, he had the buttermilk and also had flowers and double stuff Oreos because I think he felt sorry for me and was also a little scared of me that day.

I saw the Oreos.  How good would a chocolate cupcake be with a double stuff Oreo baked inside?  That would be good.  How good would it be with homemade whipped cream on top?  That would be better. 

I showed a shocking amount of restraint and waited until Monday to start baking, since all the cold ingredients really need to come to room temperature before you mix or it just doesn't come out right.  Baking can be kind of a finicky asshole that way.

It's like Christmas!

Hello, friend.

A little batter on the bottom, then an Oreo or PB cup on top, then more batter.  It's very complicated.

Ingredients for peanut butter icing and whipped cream.

Finished products.  The whipped cream was a good idea in theory, but not very pretty and also has to stay refrigerated.  I will go for straight buttercream if I do this again.  Mmmm, buttercream.

These were delicious but need some tweaking.  They're not quite recipe sharing ready.  I think the cupcake batter could be better.  The peanut butter icing is a winner.  Just needs a better partner.

I also made a bolognese sauce that night.  Not working could be very bad.

Starting Over

Saturday was such an awesome day.  After two days of rest and sleep and living in pj's, I was finally shaking off the bar exam and feeling back to normal. 

Joe had to work so I had the day to myself.  I decided to go out and do as many of the things I love as possible, things I hadn't been able to do in forever, what with working so hard last semester and then graduating and studying for the bar.  I hit up my favorite consignment shop, walked around an outdoor shopping center and bought a few gifts for some upcoming family birthdays, bought a new lip gloss, got a mani/pedi, went to the market, and reveled in driving with the windows down, music pumped up, feeling carefree and unburdened.  That feeling made the day.  It's been a really long time. 

The next day, I checked my email around noon and learned that my job offer has been rescinded based on concerns over the economy and whether this is really the best time to add a new associate. 

And all the breath I took in the day before rushed right back out.

These things happen and are increasingly common in this economic climate.  I get it.  But, wow, this sucks on a level I cannot fully comprehend.  Especially since I just spent two days in a huge ballroom at the convention center downtown with 1400 other people in the room taking the same exam to do the same thing I want to do.  And the vast majority of them do not have jobs. 

I thought I was safe, one of the lucky ones, and to have that ripped out from under you is really tough and upsetting and scary.  It's also a good lesson in humility, to not count your chickens, and all the other things I've tried to pull from the experience of the last three days so that I can try to find the blessings and the lessons and be grateful.

I know I will be okay, it will be okay, I will figure it out.  I was just so excited to be done with the crap, stressful part, and finally looking forward to the good part, the rewarding part.  Instead, I'm back to the beginning.

I am grateful I had the gift of last Saturday, an awesome day, and I hope another one like it comes really, really soon.