Starting Over

Saturday was such an awesome day.  After two days of rest and sleep and living in pj's, I was finally shaking off the bar exam and feeling back to normal. 

Joe had to work so I had the day to myself.  I decided to go out and do as many of the things I love as possible, things I hadn't been able to do in forever, what with working so hard last semester and then graduating and studying for the bar.  I hit up my favorite consignment shop, walked around an outdoor shopping center and bought a few gifts for some upcoming family birthdays, bought a new lip gloss, got a mani/pedi, went to the market, and reveled in driving with the windows down, music pumped up, feeling carefree and unburdened.  That feeling made the day.  It's been a really long time. 

The next day, I checked my email around noon and learned that my job offer has been rescinded based on concerns over the economy and whether this is really the best time to add a new associate. 

And all the breath I took in the day before rushed right back out.

These things happen and are increasingly common in this economic climate.  I get it.  But, wow, this sucks on a level I cannot fully comprehend.  Especially since I just spent two days in a huge ballroom at the convention center downtown with 1400 other people in the room taking the same exam to do the same thing I want to do.  And the vast majority of them do not have jobs. 

I thought I was safe, one of the lucky ones, and to have that ripped out from under you is really tough and upsetting and scary.  It's also a good lesson in humility, to not count your chickens, and all the other things I've tried to pull from the experience of the last three days so that I can try to find the blessings and the lessons and be grateful.

I know I will be okay, it will be okay, I will figure it out.  I was just so excited to be done with the crap, stressful part, and finally looking forward to the good part, the rewarding part.  Instead, I'm back to the beginning.

I am grateful I had the gift of last Saturday, an awesome day, and I hope another one like it comes really, really soon.