It's Been Real, But I Don't Think We Should See Each Other Anymore

I realize I wouldn't be where I am now without you, but you were tedious and insisted on being right and never considered my emotional needs.  It's not you, it's me.  I can't stand to look at you anymore. 

To be fair, I'll reassess how I feel about you upon receipt of a certain letter come mid-October.

I Have Never Wanted/Needed/Earned Something So Much In My Life

On question 152, when I hit the wall and my brain left the building for a while there, the excitement over this coming later brought it back.

So happy that's over.  I am going to sleep so hard tomorrow.

Today Is The Day

The bar exam starts today.  Seven essays in six hours.  Tomorrow is 200 multiple choice questions in six hours.  Then it will be over.  I don't feel ready, but I'm not sure who does or if that's possible.

As my mama likes to say, "all is well."  Here's hoping it will be.

Deep breaths.

Pictures by Davina + Daniel

Just really, really love these photographs.  Might have to get an iconic Philly love image and an iconic NYC love image to hang side by side.  You both feel like home and I cannot decide.

[I am posting links each day over the next couple of weeks to things I adore/am inspired by/want to do, while I am otherwise occupied studying for the bar exam.  See you soon.]

Ida Pearle

I've had the link to this site saved in my favorites for a really long time.  (I can't remember where I first saw it.  Cup of Jo, maybe?)  It's hard to find things for babies that are cute and somewhat stylish without being saccharine (or pastel), but this fits the bill.  I love all of these prints and especially have my eye on the Alphabet Cards for when the time comes to decorate a nursery.  I especially love the "e" for elephant, "f" for friend, "m" for moon, and "s" for swimming.  The name prints would also make for an especially sweet gift.

[I am posting links each day over the next couple of weeks to things I adore/am inspired by/want to do, while I am otherwise occupied studying for the bar exam.  See you soon.]

I Don't Know How She Does It

I love Caitlin Wilson's design blog.  Not only do I really enjoy her aesthetic, but I love the personal posts about being a world traveler (12 countries in 2 years) with her sweet toddler in tow.  Since I started reading, she's lived in Dubai and Asia, and is now heading back to the States (to Philly in fact, so now we're neighbors!) all while keeping her design business going and bringing loads of inspiration via her blog.  I kinda have a girl crush.

[I am posting links each day over the next couple of weeks to things I adore/am inspired by/want to do, while I am otherwise occupied studying for the bar exam.  See you soon.]

See, Joe? I'm Making a List!

To keep my sanity over the last few weeks, I've been writing out menus every Sunday to get us through the week.  I spend about an hour going through my cookbooks and searching online for relatively easy and healthy dishes, then I make a list, and we hit Trader Joe's and/or the farmer's market.  Normally we'd hit the store and just wing it, but for such a stressful summer, I figured it would be better to know what is getting made on what night and that we already have everything we need.  Since everybody is always looking for dinner inspiration I think, I thought I'd share some of the recipes we've discovered that have received four very enthusiastic thumbs up.

marinara sauce
creamy corn and vegetable soup (this soup contains no actual cream...so sneaky)
chicken with balsamic bbq sauce
guacamole salad
Portuguese-style fish stew (fish stew sounds disgusting; it is not)
tomato soup
fettuccine with walnuts and parsley  (seems way too simple to be so good)
pea soup
chicken piccata

Joe especially loved the corn and veggie soup, which inspired the following conversation:

me:  A third bowl?  You like it that much?

Joe:  It's so good!  Put it on the list.

me:  What list?

Joe:  The list.  The list you keep of all the meals we like and want to make again.

me:  I don't have such a list.

Joe:  But for years, whenever we make something really good, you say "put it on the list!"  I thought you were keeping a list!

me:  Uh no.  That's just a figure of speech, as in "we should remember this one."  I didn't mean it literally.

Joe:  So there's no list?

me:  There's no list.

Joe:  But everything we've eaten that we liked...

me:  Yeah, I don't remember even half of them.  Sorry.

Joe:  But...but...there should be a list!

Cupcakes in Jars

Baking is my absolute most favorite thing to do.  When I saw this idea on Not Martha, I was immediately wowed, inspired, impressed, and really pissed I didn't think of it.  So simple, so adorable, so GENIUS!  And damn if she didn't do the same brilliant thing with pudding, blueberry cobbler, and pie.  I bow down, woman, I bow down.

[I am posting links each day over the next couple of weeks to things I adore/am inspired by/want to do, while I am otherwise occupied studying for the bar exam.  See you soon.]

Sprout

I have had problem skin since my freshman year of high school and have been using Proactiv ever since.  It's the only thing that works.  I've gone off it before with disastrous results, and am a little afraid to go off it again to see if my skin has improved or will now be calm with something more mild.  There just really is no convenient time to risk looking like you have chicken pox, you see, since there are annoyingly always people in public with eyes.

Ironically, the clearest my skin has ever been since I was 14 was during the 6 weeks I spent in a clear, crisp, cool mountain village in Lesotho, Africa before my senior year of college.  I knew there would be no running water, no electricity, and no way to wash my face or bring the Proactiv, and I was fully expecting my face to explode as a result.  I packed 6 weeks worth of Clearasil cleansing wipes so I could clean my face without water.  I also made room in the one suitcase I was allowed for tons of concealer.  Vanity travels. 

Despite no Proactiv and not even being able to shower, my skin was gorgeous, completely clear, it glowed even.  When I got home, I figured I was done with the Proactiv forever and kept using the wipes, but within days of being back in NYC, my skin erupted.  I had never considered before that environment and pollution, etc. could have such a huge impact on my skin.

I have no plans to move to Lesotho anytime soon, so I will have to make due with what I can find that works on this continent.  So I'm so excited to see more and more organic, pure skin products available, because it just makes sense that you would only want to put what is clean and pure on your skin. 

Sprout products are on my next to buy list when what I'm currently using runs out.  I love that it's organic, local and sustainable.  I can't wait to try it and show some support for something I think is a really good thing.  I'm also excited to see if something completely all-natural and chemical free makes a difference.

P.S. I'm currently using Kiehl's Rosa Arctica moisturizer and their Gentle Foaming Facial Cleanser (both gifts from my mama) as my morning routine, and have noticed a complete change in the texture of my skin.  So much smoother and softer.  I still use the whole Proactiv three step system at night before bed.  I still break out, but it's much less often and only one or two at a time rather than my entire face. I'll take what I can get.

[I am posting links each day over the next couple of weeks to things I adore/am inspired by/want to do, while I am otherwise occupied studying for the bar exam.  See you soon.]

Ruffled

Ruffled is my newly-discovered absolute favorite wedding blog.  It is all real weddings and DIY projects/ideas.  (It's still DIY if I pay someone to do the DIY project, right?  Related:  I am not crafty.)  Inspiration up the wazoo.  Plus a directory of local vendors and classifieds to help brides "recycle their weddings."  This has taken up an unseemly amount of my time.  It has also inspired me to start a wedding inspiration board of photos for when the time comes, so I will have a clear idea of exactly what I want, because so much of what I have seen here I want.

[I am posting links each day over the next couple of weeks to things I adore/am inspired by/want to do, while I am otherwise occupied studying for the bar exam.  See you soon.]

It Feels Like Goodbye

The bar exam is in two weeks.  While this makes me want to concentrate solely on anything but the bar exam, because such is my way, logically I should probably hunker down and get to it.  But what about you?  Is that what you're thinking?  What will you spend your time doing for approximately 5 minutes every two days or so?  How will you go on if I selfishly try to learn things I will never need to actually use in practice? You raise some valid concerns.  I have thought about this.  I have a plan, you! 

I am pretty much a regular on these here internets, and have found them to generally be a wide and varied source of information, entertainment and amusement.  I save sites/posts in my favorites waiting for the rainy day when I will bake those cookies or have children or plan a wedding or decide to fight every natural disposition I have to absolutely suck at it and actually take up crafting.  Any day now.  So, I have decided to concentrate on the bar these two weeks and utilize the hard work of other people to make you want to keep coming here!  So sneaky.  But everybody wins, you see. 

So I will link up to some things I enjoy each day over the next two weeks, and maybe pop in every once in a while if I just can't help myself.  I hope that's okay. 

In case I don't make it through the next 14 days, let me just say that I love you.  Always have.  As I recently wrote in an email to a friend, it's wonderful to know I have lots of people who will take me in if I end up homeless, wandering the streets muttering something about adverse possession.  It really, really is.

Forget Me Today

Go read this.

I've been giggling for weeks.

Borderline Obsessive

My love of office supplies led me to Poppin.  I have never before (I'm pretty sure, but am too lazy to check) dedicated an entire post to my love of a single shopping experience, but Poppin just made me so happy.  When I first hit the site, my shopping cart was filled with about 9 things, but reason and sanity won out and I narrowed it down to 3.  The very next day a package arrived at my door (I still don't know how they do that) and I adore everything.

I love the classic scissors and black retro ballpoint pens, but I am especially smitten with the black wood pencils.

The design is so modern and minimalist and absolutely gorgeous.  They come in a box of 12 and are pre-sharpened.  They feel smooth in your hand and write like butter.  The eraser erases completely and easily.  I haven't tried yet, but I bet they're also good kissers.  Office supplies are so sexy.  Just me?  Okay.

The main catalyst for this purchase is that pretty soon I will be spending a day bubbling in 200 multiple choice questions over the course of 6 hours.  On hour two, when the fact that I don't remember what the schmuck the difference is between burglary and robbery becomes painfully obvious, I can momentarily distract myself with thoughts of oooh pretty pencil, who's a pretty pencil, you're a pretty pencil which will stop me from throwing it across the room in despair.  Strategy.

So I was already over the moon with this shopping experience, but then a couple of weeks later, I got this handwritten note in the mail:


One of the few things I love more than office supplies is mail.  Specifically thoughtful, hand-written notes because, really, who takes the time anymore?  Well played and well done, Poppin.  I'm in love.

P.S. Burglary is the breaking and entering of a dwelling of another at night with the intent to commit a felony therein.  Robbery is the taking of personal property of another from the other person's presence, by force or threat with the intent to permanently deprive him of it.  The more you know.  Shooting star.

231 To Go

For the anniversary, I spent the day taking a 6 hour simulated bar exam but got to come home to flowers and a gorgeous pair of earrings, champagne and pastries from our favorite bakery.  Then, Joe and I got all dressed up and went to Amada in Philly.  Two Amada dishes are on the list, though the entire menu is list-worthy as far as I'm concerned.  The restaurant is beautiful and we enjoyed the best meal I've had in a really long time.  Spanish tapas and sangria.  Perfect.

The menu is large and everything looks amazing, so we decided to divide and conquer by picking at least one thing from every category on the menu.  It's very important to approach life's challenges with a clear strategy.

We started with a soft, spreadable goat's milk cheese, served with soft bread, sliced green apple and a fig and cherry marmalade.

Then:

Clams & chorizo. We asked for extra bread three times so as not to miss a single drop of that incredible broth.

Spanish flatbread with beef short ribs, horseradish, Parmesan & bacon (this was the item on the list - I could eat this everyday forever - it's as good as it sounds).

Parmesan artichokes

Empanadas with spinach, manchego and artichoke

Chicken breast with fried egg, mojama, & truffles

Calamari linguine and vermicelli with clams, diver scallops and sweet onion cream (so that's what a scallop is supposed to taste like)

With tapas, every dish is only 2-6 bites divided between two people, so at the end of such a rich and amazing meal, we weren't stuffed.  Just really, really happy.

We came home, put on our pj's, popped the bottle of champagne, split a mini strawberry, blueberry, white chocolate tart, and settled on the couch to watch episodes of Lost on DVD.  (We just finished season 4, don't tell me what happens next!)

All in all, it was a day worthy of 10 years.

Don't Worry, Next Week What Keeps Me Up All Night Will Be Totally Different!

As is typical when I'm supposed to be 100% focused on the task at hand, my mind keeps wandering ahead to the next thing, to after the bar exam.  The topic I am currently torturing myself with is money, namely what to do about the inevitable mountains of debt one racks up when one attends two private schools in expensive cities to get one's complete education.  This has been looming over my head for years now, but the time is finally here to deal with it, those grace period/deferment deadline dates are firmly imprinted on my brain.  Why, yes, I could have stayed down south and gone to a public law school and paid in-state tuition of only $10,000 a year, borrowing less for all three years than I did for just one year to go where I did, but what fun would that have been?  What fun, indeed.

I don't regret going where I did.  I got an amazing education, and got to do it where I really want to be.  The south is where I was raised, but the northeast is home.  I can't help it. 

So, after four years of college, a two year hiatus as a legal assistant to confirm law school was meant to be, and three years of law school, I have loads of student loans and credit card debt to contend with.  My parents have generously and graciously insisted on paying off the undergrad debt, but I still plan to take over everything else they have been helping me with for the last several years - really just my car and car insurance.

What I keep turning over and over in my mind is how to prioritize all my competing financial goals, which are, in no particular order:
1) pay off credit card debt
2) pay off student loans
3) fully fund a retirement account
4) put money in savings for an emergency fund/long-term goals
5) save money for down payment on house/wedding/babies, which are hopefully not too far away

To assist me in tackling all this, I have made a financial investment in this book:

I am all of those things! 

I have found it to be very helpful, because it is specifically tailored to my situation - a young person just out of school with credit card and student loan debt - and helps you figure out how to prioritize and plan short-term and long-term.  I also appreciate that the book is practical about what is possible and realistic for this time in a young person's life right now and what is not. 

Inspired, this past weekend, I made an accounting of the balance due on each credit card (I feel I should note, I have not used my credit cards in years, but am still paying them down), the balance due on each student loan, noted all the interest rates, and made spreadsheets so I know exactly what's what.

Any debt Joe had from credit cards and/or student loans is 95% paid off, because he hardly had any because he is way smarter than me, so we are going to focus on my issues for now.  He is currently paying all of the rent and household expenses while I study for the bar.  He also just got a promotion at work, with another expected in about 5 months.  Which means, if we hold off on upgrading and overhauling our lifestyle for a while, which is fine by me, we should be good living off his income, which lets me put the vast majority of my income towards debt and/or into savings, after I pay my half of the rent.

That's what I've come up with so far.  I still have to do some research about consolidating the loans and figure out that whole scary business and I am still grabbing my cell phone in the middle of the night so I can use the calculator to figure out just how long this will take me, but my mind is resting somewhat easier knowing there's a tentative plan that won't take too terribly long to fully execute.

I know many of you have been there/are there, so if you have any tips or advice, please do share. 

Hint Taken

Joe:  Are you wearing make-up?

me:  Yes.

Joe:  Is it still from last night?

me:  No, I took a shower and put on make-up today.

Joe:  Who is he?

Apparently, a summer of bar prep means I've let myself go.

July 1, 2001

Ten years ago, my cousin Laura was dating Joe's best friend.  Before my senior year of high school, I went to New York for a visit, but missed out on meeting Laura's boyfriend because both he and Joe were out of town for the weekend for some tournament.  Joe had made some joke to Laura about being disappointed he wasn't going to get to meet her cousin.  Laura thought it would be funny if I emailed Joe, having never met him, expressing that I was really disappointed I didn't get to meet him too because Laura had told me all about how desperate he was and it was just so sad that we wouldn't get to hang out.  Laura and I were 17.  This was hilarious to us.  So I sent the email and then went on my merry way back to Texas and did not give it a second thought.

Twenty year old Joe, however, was horrified that some strange girl in Texas thought he was desperate.  He emailed me back to assure me such was not the case, and he didn't know why Laura would say such a thing, etc., etc.  I called Laura, read her the email, and we laughed and laughed.  I sent Joe an email back, reassuring him that it was just a joke.  I had no assumptions about his level of desperation.  He sent me an email back and that's how it started.  We emailed and im'ed for several months.

Next time I headed to New York, my interest was piqued and Laura was all too happy to play matchmaker.  I landed in New York, went to my aunt's house, and Laura suggested immediately taking me to Joe's apartment to meet him.  I was nervous and excited and 17, so patience was not a skill of mine.  I was wearing a blue striped skirt and a white tank top and flip-flops.

Laura drove me over, and we knocked on the door.  The door was open so I saw him walking towards us through the screen door.  I remember our eyes meeting.  He invited us in and we made awkward conversation.  Then Laura said she had to take a shower.  It struck me as odd that Laura was going to take a shower at Joe's apartment.  We had not discussed this.  Then she said she'd be back.  She abruptly left.  Seventeen year olds are so smooth.  Joe and I were unexpectedly and awkwardly alone.  We sat on the couch and watched TV.  More awkward conversation.  Laura did not come back for 4 hours.

We hung out every night of my visit.  Then, I went home and got on with my senior year.  He flew down and took me to my senior formal and then my senior prom.  I got accepted to my first choice of colleges in New York, which I had decided on before I even knew Joe existed.

We've had our growing pains and our break-ups and our break-downs.  But we've always found our way back.  We're completely different people now than we were 10 years ago.  Thank God.

When we were all gussied up Friday night, I texted Laura: "We're headed out to celebrate you leaving me 10 years ago to take a 4 hour shower."

"That doesn't sound like something I would do."

It actually sounds exactly like something she would do.  I'm really glad she did.