Monday, February 10, 2014

New Year

Normally, around the end of December/beginning of January, I feel compelled to write a year-end summary and new year beginning post.  I put the last year in perspective for myself, lay out my goals for the next year, and feel all nostalgic and hopeful and think about time passing and how we're all in this together and life is beautiful and from our struggles comes beauty and blessings are all around us and all that jazz. 
This year all warm fuzzy feelings were obliterated by Joe and I starting the new year by having the most epic fight we have ever had in the 12.5 years we've known each other.  To the point that I threw some of his clothes on the bed and told him to go stay with his buddy for a while.  He wisely refused to go anywhere, insisting instead on "talking" and "making it better."  Uh...I do not want to talk, I want you to GET OUT!  It was an unpleasant few days, but it eventually blew over as these things often do as long as no one gets too crazy, and ended with a better understanding of each other and love renewed and come here so I can kiss you.  Marriage, man. 
So I did not start 2014 warm and fuzzy and nostalgic and aware of my blessings.  January was also probably one of the most stressful months at work I've had in a while, and that's saying something.  The other associate in my department is still on maternity leave, going on month 4 of being out after having her baby scarily early (everyone is fine, thank goodness!), and I could feel my light at the end of the tunnel slowly dimming and started to panic that maybe she wouldn't come back and this is what it would always be like and I can't keep up this pace and the walls are closing in and maybe I'm not meant to be a lawyer after all because this sucks and so on and so forth and crying on the way to work in the morning.  
I also felt like shit physically.  I had a few more I-can't-breathe-episodes and I still haven't seen a doctor because WHO HAS THE TIME?  My body felt run down and not quite right.  
Then there was Laura and new babies and slow down and appreciate and BLESSINGS. 
So that was my January.  February is already better.  We know now when the other attorney is coming back (it's SOON!) and it's a lighter month in general work-wise and I'm feeling better.   
I know what the problem is.  I have let work take over to the point that I'm consumed.  I wake up thinking about work and go to sleep thinking about work.  I think about work in the shower.  I'm rarely home before 7:00.  I don't cook anymore, I barely see my family, I never see my friends.  It's taking it's toll.  So it's time to course correct.  I have to pull back a little and immerse myself in things that are more or equally important.  I have a few things percolating I'd like to do for myself, just have to find the time and make it a priority.
So, hi 2014.  Welcome.  I hope you bring me naps.