SMIZE!

Last week, I had to drive out to a federal building in the middle of nowhere to be ID'd and fingerprinted and photographed so I can have clearance and access for my summer internship.  I'll be working at the Regional Counsel's office for HUD.  The whole time I was there I was thinking that now I can never commit a crime and I'm going to have to be really, really careful not to leave my fingerprints anywhere untoward.  I'm totally in the system now.  I watch Law & Order.  I know how it works.  They find prints and then run them through to see if they get any "hits."  My fingerprints are now totally "hittable." 

To be fair, I do not think this will largely change how I intended to live my life, but it is one more thing I will now have to consider when contemplating life choices.  So what I'm basically saying is, if you were going to, which you probably weren't, but if you were, please don't ask me to help you dispose of that body or steal a car because pursuing that as an option has now been completely ruled out for me.  Though I suppose I could wear gloves.  Hmm.  Ok.  You can call me and give me the details and I'll at least consider it. 

I also had to be photographed for my ID card.  I was told not to smile.  But because I am a woman of this generation, what I immediately thought was, "oh my goodness, this is TOTALLY an opportunity to SMIZE."  Tyra would be so proud.  If you don't know what that is then you have clearly not been paying enough attention to the wisdom and ability to make acronyms of one Ms. Tyra Banks and the joy she spreads on a little show called America's Next Top Model, in which she encourages models to smile with their eyes, i.e. SMIZE (I can't type it without the caps.  I tried.  It's not the same.). 

I might have even announced my intentions to SMIZE to the lady behind the desk.  No response.  She's a government official so I totally understood why she couldn't acknowledge my intent to SMIZE but I could tell she totally got me.  Or she was wondering what the hell I was talking about and/or wondering if the federal government currently had such low standards as to hire someone who announced her intention to SMIZE in her government ID photo.  Listen, lady, I just do what Tyra tells me.

So I looked directly into the camera and SMIZED as hard as I could.  I kept my face unsmiling and radiated joy, warmth and humor through my eyes for a sure to be exceptional government ID photo.  Click.  "Good," said the lady behind the desk.  "Can I see it?" I asked.  She turned the monitor towards me.  "Oh.  Wow.  I look.....tired."  No response.  No offer to let me take it again.  We moved on to fingerprinting.  Tyra is so right.  You really only do get one chance. 



UPDATE: I just looked up "SMIZE" in the urban dictionary.  Apparently SMIZE has two meanings.  It means to smile with your eyes but it ALSO means "the condition of having ejaculate in one's eye, which stings like the dickens."  Oh my heavenly goodness, I do hope the nice government official lady didn't think that's what I meant by SMIZING.  She works for the government.  She's supposed to know such things.  I hope she used her context clues and gave me the benefit of the doubt. 

One word, two very different meanings.  Tyra really should do her homework before coining such phrases. 

Although, the use-it-in-a-sentence example Urban Dictionary provided did make me laugh hysterically and will continue to make me giggle for days on end: "You son of a bitch!  I'm smized!"  Oh golly, that's good.

Life Lived List

A couple things to be added to the Life List:

• go blond
• go auburn
• stay on Necker Island
• see a space shuttle launch
• take a flying lesson
• anonymously slip a $100 bill in a stranger's pocket/purse (preferably someone who genuinely seems like they could use some anonymous kindness)
• plan a surprise party

There are a lot of things that would be on my list but aren't because I've already done them. I was talking to roomie Lauren tonight about travel because she's leaving next month to do a law school semester abroad in Rome for the summer.  We were swapping stories and I found myself saying things like "when I was on a flight to South Africa..." or "when I had chicken pox, I was on safari with my mom in Kenya..." and "one time, I was at this camel farm in the desert in Saudi Arabia..."  I've had some pretty incredible experiences. 

Like what 6-year old gets to be in Kenya with her mom and see wild animals in their natural habitat from the vantage point of a hot air balloon ride?  That's just nutty.  Or what 21-year-old knows what it's like to bathe in a basin by candlelight with water she pumped from a well and carried herself because she's in a village in Lesotho with no running water or electricity for six weeks? 

I find myself not talking about these experiences very often.  If it comes up or is relevant to a conversation, I'll talk about it, but otherwise I don't really.  I think it's because it seems bigger than me.  Bigger than my real life where I just go to school and struggle to make ends meet and plan for the future and hope it lives up to my expectations.  It seems like these things happened to me, rather than that I really was there, living it, breathing it, feeling it. 

I think that's why I love the Life List concept so much.  Because by writing things down and actively crossing them off a list, you kind of have to feel it.  Feel that you did that.  You were there.  It was purposeful, it was intentional, you lived. 

I can't wait to cross the first thing off.  But because everything to this point counts too, because I have lived to this point, and because I need to recognize that while I've been waiting for life to start I've already lived a pretty great one, there are some things I need to go ahead and cross off the list:

• hot air balloon ride
• travel to:
• South Africa
• Kenya
• Costa Rica
• Switzerland
• France
• Austria
• Italy
• Saudi Arabia
• Spain
• Lesotho
• Mexico
• ride an elephant
• meet two U.S. presidents
• live without electricity
• step foot in the Pacific Ocean
• see a baseball game in Yankee Stadium
• ride a horse
• get thrown from a horse and get back on
• see the Vatican
• see the Sistine Chapel
• visit the Roman Coliseum
• see Versailles
• go to the Louvre
• fall in love
• dye my hair a crazy color (cotton candy pink)
• go to a rodeo
• go on a wine tour in South Africa
• live by myself for at least a year
• be given a tour of Jimmy Carter's boyhood home by Jimmy Carter
• go deep sea fishing
• eat Mexican food in Mexico
• eat ice cream under the Eiffel Tower
• go skinny dipping
• pump water from a well
• navigate a foreign country on my own
• treat my mom to a pedicure for a change
• meet Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. and hear him talk about the environment
• go on 5-day hiking trip (though this was hugely against my will)
• go mountain biking (it was more like mountain-bike-walking-because-these-hills-are-scary)

A pretty good life so far.  A pretty good life to come.

So I want to hear it.  What's on your list?  And what are you super proud you've already crossed off?

Love Her

Read this.  Then go do something scary.

I Have Nothing To Wear

Despite my less than consistent writing over at the Diet, I have lost 16 lbs and two sizes thus far, which was confirmed today at Gap when I zipped up a two sizes down pair of jeans and my ass looked terrific if I do so say myself and I do since I stopped short of asking the fitting room attendant to agree with me.  Also, the next, next size down also zipped up but are still a bit too tight to be considered wearable.  I then went over to Old Navy in the hopes of buying some jeans/pants that are a bit less expensive and temporary since I do plan to lose a bit more weight. 

Old Navy: you are on my shit list.  I tried on 7 pairs of pants in the new lower size and only one fit properly.  The others either zipped but fit terribly or wouldn't zip at all.  Everything was horribly inconsistent.  I realize you are a cheaper chain but that is no excuse for inconsistency in your sizing.  Please get it together.  I was on a high and you totally ruined it.

I remain pants-less.  Every pair I own can now be gotten off and on without the added hassle of buttoning and zipping.  Even my stretchy workout pants slide off a bit too easily for comfort and I worry about the day I will be on the elliptical and suddenly show everyone my increasingly adorable bottom.

These are problems I am quite grateful to have.  Yay me.

Life List Shout Out

Since Maggie of Mighty Girl inspired my list, I emailed her the final version when it was done.  So super cool to be mentioned in her latest Life List round-up.  You can check it out yourself here and also see all the amazing goals all the other recent Life Listers have set for themselves. 

I really believe, and I think Oprah would totally agree, that the world becomes a better place when we all strive to live our best lives.  When one dream comes true, you dream a bigger dream.  Okay, now, I'm just totally ripping Oprah off.  While we're on the topic though and totally ripping off Oprah-isms: when a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time.  That one is big and has rung true for me time and time again. 

Anyway, that's why I think the Life List movement (if I may use such a strong word to describe it) Maggie seems to be starting is so important.  Even if I can only check off half the items on my list, what a life I will have led.  When it comes down to it, that's really the point - to live the richest, fullest life possible full of things that make us happy and push us beyond what we thought possible. 

It starts with putting it in writing.  Giving it a voice so the universe can hear.

Cheers to that.

Life List (A Work in Progress)

I've taken a stab at this before but I didn't put the thought and seriousness into it that such a project requires.  In fact, my dear friend, Miss Lauren Rose Whitney, informed me to my face that my life list sucked.  That's what friends are for - to make you plan a better life than you originally envisioned.  I've kept a running list going and have added to it whenever I get inspired by something or something new occurs to me.  So here it is, my Life List as it stands right now, in alphabetical order because that's how I roll, more to be added, I'm sure (hey buddies: please do let me know if we have any goals in common and we should totally make a plan):

1. At least once, spontaneously go on a vacation on a moment’s notice

2. Attend an Oktoberfest in Germany

3. Attend La Tomatina in Spain

4. Attend Mardi Gras as an adult

5. Attend a taping of The Ellen Show

6. Be comfortable making small talk with strangers in any situation

7. Become scuba certified

8. Build the kitchen of my dreams

9. Compete in the Pillsbury Bake-Off

10. Complete my family tree as far back as possible

11. Croissants and coffee at a café in France

12. Dance without feeling self-conscious

13. Decorate a home according to my own vision

14. Design my own line of kitchen/baking items

15. Develop/write my own recipes from scratch

16. Do a pull-up

17. Dog sledding

18. Drink a pint in an Irish pub

19. Drive an 18-wheeler

20. Finally find the perfect cut/style/products for my curly hair

21. Gallop on a horse

22. Go at least a month without TV

23. Go water skiing and actually stand up

24. Gondola ride in Venice

25. Grow my own vegetables/have a garden

26. Have a family

27. Have a mint julep at the Kentucky Derby while donning a fabulous hat

28. Have abs you can see

29. Have dinner at a Michelin rated three star restaurant

30. Have tea at a posh hotel in London

31. Host and pay for an extended family vacation

32. Indoor skydiving

33. Introduce my daughter(s) to Laura Ingalls Wilder, Louisa May Alcott and L.M. Montgomery

34. Kiss the Blarney Stone

35. Lay on a blanket under the stars

36. Lay under a cabana on a Caribbean beach, drinking something tropical

37. Learn how to surf (or at least give it a helluva try)

38. Learn more about different charities until I find one that really gets me going, then figure out how I can help and do it regularly

39. Learn to bake anything without a recipe

40. Learn to change the oil in my own car

41. Learn to dive into water head first

42. Learn to drive a stick shift

43. Learn to expertly apply my make-up, including creating the perfect smoky eye

44. Learn to French braid

45. Learn to give a really, really great massage

46. Learn to knit

47. Learn to play golf

48. Learn to play poker

49. Learn to play tennis

50. Learn to sew – hem a pair of pants, sew up a hole

51. Learn to snowboard/ski

52. Live in another country for 6 months – year

53. Make 1000 desserts

54. Make a pie completely from scratch (crust and all)

55. Make an upholstered headboard

56. Make butter

57. Make cheese

58. Make it so my mom doesn’t have to worry about money

59. Make my forever home as ‘green’ as possible

60. Make someone’s wedding cake

61. Make something on a potter’s wheel

62. Milk a cow

63. Name a daughter after my Grandma

64. Own a home

65. Own a house with a porch that invites drinking lemonade out of mason jars

66. Own a Le Creuset Dutch Oven and a fabulous stove/oven

67. Own a vacation home

68. Own land with enough room for my kids to run until they think their legs will fall off

69. Own my own bakery

70. Parasailing

71. Participate in or at the very least attend the Ironman Triathlon in Hawaii

72. Pay off student loans/be debt free

73. Pay someone’s way through college who is not my own kid

74. Plant a tree

75. Play a game of roller derby and don’t get killed

76. Rappel down a cliff face

77. Road trip across the U.S.

78. Run(ish) a marathon

79. See a glacier

80. See the Northern Lights

81. See the Nutcracker on Christmas Eve in Manhattan

82. Skate at 30 Rock

83. Spend a day on a sailboat

84. Spend an evening catching fireflies with my kids

85. Spin a globe, stop it with a finger, and go wherever it lands

86. Stay in the ice hotel

87. Stomp on grapes to make wine

88. Swim with dolphins

89. Take a 16 century historical tour of the UK

90. Take a dance class

91. Take a Mediterranean cruise

92. Take a trapeze lesson

93. Take my kids to Africa

94. Take up/learn photography

95. Tell my kids all about my grandparents

96. Travel through Italy with Joe

97. Travel to:

       a. Phuket, Thailand

       b. Ireland (with Windy and Mom)

       c. United Kingdom

       d. Cape Town (again)

       e. Napa Valley

       f. Greece

       g. Chicago

       h. San Francisco

       i. Seattle

       j. Vancouver

       k. Savannah

       l. Hawaii

       m. Nashville

98. Watch a baseball game in every Major League ballpark

99. Wear a bikini on the beach without feeling the need to bring a cover-up

100. White water rafting

101. Work from home

102. Write a children’s book

103. Write a cookbook (can be just for me, doesn’t have to be published)

104. Write letters to myself on every birthday ending with an -0 to be read on the next birthday ending with an -0

105. Write the account of Pawpaw’s life he asked me to write before he died

106. Zip lining through a rainforest canopy

Frustration

As of next month, I have no idea where I'm going to live and it's driving me CRAZY!

Just had to get that out.

Looking at yet another apartment tomorrow at 1:00.  Let's hope this is the one.

Update:   It wasn't the one.  But I did make a decision.  I'm just going to move into a one bedroom where I already am.  It's the easiest choice and after scouring over a 10 mile radius, it's the best deal possible.  Now: scouring Craigslist for living room furniture (Lauren furnished the living room stuff in our current place).  I'm excited!

Rubbing It In

Took my last final on Saturday.  I am officially in my third and last year of law school.  Yay!  Right now, I am just basking in the wonderfulness of having absolutely nothing I have to do.  Nowhere to be, no deadlines looming, nothing but sleeping in and stress-free living for a whole month until my summer internship starts.  Just the part-time job and complete freedom. 

Can you hear that?  It was the sound of me exhaling.

"To the wait-up-all-nighters and try-not-to-worriers and the nurturers of passions all - to the time tellers, memory collectors, masters of tucking in bed-sheets."

I was going to write something here about my mama and today and thank her for all the yesterdays.  But then I read this and I realized that pretty much sums it up.

As does this.  A letter I wrote to her last year, then hand wrote.  My little brother hand wrote her his own letter and then we put them in matching frames.  That was her Christmas gift last year.  She's really quite lucky to have such wonderful children.  I wonder how we got that way?

I love you, mama.  Thanks for being you so I could be me.

I've Got Betty Fever

I've said it before, I'll say it again: the woman is a national treasure.

CRAP

Stupid Wall Street Journal making me panic.  Stupid economy.  Stupid student loans.  Please, God, let things be better by around May 2011.  Please.  I'll totally make it up to you.

"The situation is so bleak that some students and industry experts are rethinking the value of a law degree, long considered a ticket to financial security."

"Those considering law school might want to reconsider, said Allan Tanenbaum, chairman of an American Bar Association commission studying the impact of the economic crisis on the profession. Students take on average law-school debt of about $100,000 and, given the job market, many 'have no foreseeable way to pay that back,' he said."

I'm going to go study for my last final now and try not to think about the possibility that it all could be for naught and/or that I could graduate and make less than I was making pre-law school and pre-$150,000 in student loans.

Oh, hey, did I mention?  CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP.

Proofreader Wanted

When I was looking for part-time jobs last year, I applied at this bakery/ice cream shop near my house.  They didn't call me back for an interview.  Which is a shame, because I totally know how I could have helped.

Hopefully, Your Expectations Are Low

Posting will be slim to none this week.  All my finals are crammed into one week because I had to reschedule one.  Explanation provided here.  All my energies will be going towards being a good law student and not throwing up.  Two very noble goals.