An actual text message exchange with my mother, who I think loves me:
me: We bought life insurance. You are my secondary beneficiary. So if Joe and I both die in the same accident you are gonna clean up!
mom: Can't wait
me: Don't get too excited because by the time you're done with all the things I'm going to request for my funeral, there won't be much left.
mom: Cremation
me: No, I want a mother of pearl casket and Beyonce to perform.
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