Thursday, December 27, 2012

Odds & Ends

My birthday, Christmas Eve, and Christmas in rapid succession is a pretty great string of non-stop merriment.  But driving home from work on the day after Christmas going no faster than 25 mph to avoid skidding out in the middle of a snowstorm, arriving to a toasty apartment, putting on your pj's, and then cuddling up with your honey to watch a movie, eat a big bowl of leftover mashed potatoes and enjoy a giant glass of red wine while the snow keeps on falling?  Also pretty great. 

Unrelated, every year I buy eggnog because a year has passed and I've forgotten that eggnog is disgusting.  Every year.  It's too thick and too sweet and too eggy.  Which I'm reminded of every year when I pour a glass and take a sip.  Sadly, it's also one of the few things that actually gets worse when you add liquor.  If the taste of something going down immediately makes you think of what it will taste like coming up, then that's my cue that I'm on the wrong track.  Since I had two bottles in the fridge because apparently my memory does not span 12 months, I put some thought into it and finally found eggnog's true calling.  Coffee creamer.  Eggnog is delicious in coffee.  It's sweet, has the consistency of rich cream, and has a dash of cinnamon and spice that really livens things up.  I might even buy another bottle.  So that's one problem solved and the relief is just palpable. 

We have a big month coming up.  The wedding is a little over two months away and it's time for the meetings to commence.  In January, we have tastings, planning meetings, flowers and tablescapes to play with and approve.  It's pretty wonderful to have all the things you've dreamed of and described in detail and worried over whether anyone would get it suddenly come to life even better than you hoped.  I keep getting asked if I'm nervous about how everything will turn out.  Nope.  I'm not nervous about the wedding or any of the wedding details or even about getting married.  I am nervous about everything costing more than you estimate and about any last minute unexpected things and about the finite amount of paychecks between now and then and how even when you plan every detail you can still get caught off guard.  We are having a very small wedding of only 40-50 people and are being very careful in our decision-making.  I'm not getting caught up in any of the wedding "must-haves" and am really focusing on just what's important to us.  Even so, it's remarkable how much anything associated with a wedding can cost.  A friend of mine had no budget when she was planning her wedding and never had to consider the cost of her choices.  She recently said to me, "isn't this just the most exciting time of your whole life?"  Um, sure.  In theory.  I think we're having very different experiences.  As in, I love you but please stop talking.  All I can see right now are the dollar signs attached to every decision.  Sad, but true.  I know it's tacky to talk about money and brides are supposed to be all sunshine and rainbows and personalized stationery, but I don't think that would be fair or honest and I'd prefer to be able to read my own writing without gagging on bullshit. 

Speaking of which, in reading over the posts I've written the last few months, even I'm a little dizzy.  In one post I'm happy, in the next anxious, in the next so in love, in the next so annoyed, in one I'm writing about how worried I am about the cost of everything, and in the next I'm making a list of stuff I still want.  All I can say is, yeah, all of that.  All of that.  I'm so happy right now and excited about the future and I love all this planning and choosing and creating a day that is a reflection of Joe and I and who we are and our love for each other and our friends and families.  I'm also stressed and anxious and nervous about certain aspects of it.  I'm filled with gratitude for how far we've come and what we've been able to achieve this last year, but I'm not always good at just focusing on that.  It's a mishmosh of feelings up in here and they're not always consistent.  Bear with me.