Wednesday, October 3, 2012

I Swear She Fucks With Us on Purpose

Lily is not the least bit affectionate.  She does not like to cuddle.  She hates being held.  She loves to be petted and stroked and scratched but it has to be on her terms.  You have to come to her and love on her in a fashion she deems acceptable or she will get up and walk away.

Which is why when I woke up in the middle of the night to find her curled up on my chest, I immediately panicked.  This was new.

me:  Lily, what's wrong?  Are you sick?

She just stared at me while I tried to hold as still as possible so she'd stay put.

me:  Please don't be sick, Lil.  I love you very much but if you cost me a honeymoon some tough decisions will have to be made.

She laid her head down and rested it just below mine.

me:  I'm just kidding!  Of course we'll take care of you.  What's wrong?

I risked reaching up and scratching her head and rubbing her back.  She stayed.

Then I had a thought and all those stories about animals acting strange and clingy before something happens to their owners came flooding into my brain.  As is typical, I began to wonder if this whole thing could be about me.

me:  Lily!  Is it me?  Am I about to have a stroke?

She just looked at me.

me:  A heart attack?  Is it a heart attack?


me:  Meow once if I'm about to have a heart attack.


We just laid there for a bit, staring at each other while I scratched and rubbed her.

Then she stood up and jumped down.  No explanation.  No apology.  I stayed awake for a while trying to figure out if I felt funny or if I should wake Joe or if I should get up and google stroke symptoms.

I think she knew exactly what she was doing.