Saturday, December 5, 2009

Resistance is Futile

So apparently when Joe has been saying for the past 8 years he didn't want a pedicure, he meant it. Huh. He backed out at the last minute. Words were exchanged. There was a tussle. A bit of a row. Pedicures were not had. That boy is stubborn. Dude totally missed out. I am sad for him. Sad that he will never know the joy of soaking your feet in hot, bubbly, lavender scented water, being exfoliated, and having your feet, legs and shoulders massaged while resting comfortably in a huge massaging recliner. But mostly, mostly I am sad that he doesn't trust and follow me blindly. Such defiance never leads to good.

So the fight. Here were my well thought out and logical arguments:

"You stand all day at work and complain about your feet and back hurting. This is something I think you will really enjoy. Plus it's something that I really enjoy and I would enjoy it all the more if I can share it with you. Also, I always try to go out of my way to think of things you'll like and things we can do together that will be fun for both of us, and this is one of the few things I have ever asked you to do that is outside your comfort zone and I'm only asking you to do it because I really, really think you'll like it. Further, I try to take an interest in your interests (baseball, poker, computer nonsense, etc.) so even if you really don't think you'll like doing it (although you're wrong), it wouldn't kill you to do this one thing with me, for me. Plenty of guys get pedicures. It doesn't mean anything. It's fun. A little pampering. Plus YOU'LL LIKE IT. I PROMISE. Also, you supposedly love me and this will make me happy. If you don't do it, I'll cry. Hard. Just do it. Do it. Do it. Do it."

His arguments:
"Guys don't get pedicures. I'm a guy. The end."

Shockingly, I didn't throw anything at him. But my resolve and conviction have strengthened enormously. And I've been working out. So next time, if my brilliant logic and continual articulation of my brilliant logic doesn't work, I can overpower him, strap him into the padded, plush giant recliner, hold his feet down in the gently bubbling lavender water and FORCE HIM TO RELAX. And then he'll thank me. I will be right. And all will be right in our worlds again. Amen.

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