Sunday, September 13, 2009

Engagement Chicken

It has come to my attention that a recipe exists that is surreptitiously named “Engagement Chicken.” The idea is that if you make this chicken for your boyfriend, he will propose a short time after. Apparently, this has worked for several people. My interest is piqued. However, I will not be testing out Engagement Chicken because I currently have no desire to get engaged. Oh, also, Joe and I aren’t even together. Mostly. That’s an even better point to make. Probably. So he really shouldn’t be expecting chicken and I really shouldn’t be expecting a ring. Also to consider: what if I do make the chicken and nothing happens? Then what? Then I’m just the gullible girl who stuffed two lemons up a chicken’s butt for nothing. Then the realization of that will hit me and Joe will hear me crying myself to sleep and he’ll ask what’s wrong and I’ll say “the chicken didn’t work, you don’t love me” and he’ll be all “what the fuck?” and I’ll have to explain that the chicken was just a ruse and he’ll say “but I thought you didn’t even want to get engaged right now” and I’ll say “you don’t know me at all” and then we’ll probably break up break up or at least not talk for some time. I suppose I could make it just for me and call it “I Like Chicken Chicken” as some sort of pro-strong single girl statement. What then, Glamour magazine? What if I don’t even want your stinkin’ Engagement Chicken? This chicken’s clearly an asshole and also I have issues with marriage. But not chicken. I do really love chicken. There, we’ve all learned something.


LWhits said...

dude make it this week as "I like chicken chicken" so that when you're ready to make it as "engagement chicken" you won't screw it up!! :)