Everywhere You Want To Be (Except Where You Are)

Sam's Club does not accept Visa. Let that sink in for a second. Sam's Club, owned by Wal-Mart, does not accept Visa. I mean, Discover fine, but Visa? Who doesn't have a Visa? Speaking of Discover, I was once sent a pre-approved offer for a Discover card, only to be rejected when I applied. I was outraged. I called them to find out how they could do this and who the hell they thought they were. They couldn't even give me a good reason. "But I was pre-approved!" I told them indignantly. They encouraged me to pursue them, only to coldly reject me when I showed interest. It was like being 16 again. That story is neither here nor there but I wanted to tell it. I'm still bitter, Discover! Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Anyway, back to Sam's Club and Visa. I went there today to stock up on some essentials. When I got to the check-out person, she rang me up and I swiped my credit card with the careless ease of someone who swipes credit cards quite often. A couple seconds later, she said "was your card a Visa?" I told her it was and she informed me they don't take Visa. Um, but...it's everywhere I want to be! Apparently, Visa doesn't think anyone would want to be at Sam's Club. How dare they judge my need and desire for 48 rolls of Charmin Ultra-Strong and giant containers of organic black peppercorns?

I sorted through my wallet to discover that the only cards I had on me were Visas. I purposely leave the majority of my credit cards at home so I won't use them and this is not the first time I have regretted that decision. I was forced to write a bad check. Now before you judge me, don't worry, I'll make sure money gets in the account before the check clears. I might have to go hooking to make it happen, or possibly sell drugs, or maybe call my parents and ask them to put money in my account, whichever is easiest. But honestly, Sam's Club, if I want to pay interest on my toilet paper and peppercorns, I think that's my business and I'll thank you to stay out of it.