Things I Think About in the Shower

I probably spend about about 10 minutes too long in the shower.  It's the only place in this tiny apartment where I can have my own space.  I still don't always get it.  Our shower has sliding glass doors and Joe thinks it's absolutely hilarious to come into the bathroom and stand outside the glass doors until I finally notice he's there and then I scream bloody murder.  Then he asks me why I'm so jumpy.  It's a lot of fun for everyone involved. 

Anyway, I was doing some reading in there the other day and I noticed that Joe's shower gel states the following on the back: "Rub this over the parts of your body that need to smell like courage.  Especially your delts, quads, haunches, heart and big toes."  His deodorant tells him to believe in his "smelf." 

You know know what my products say?  Anti-aging.  Acne blasting.  Maximum strength. 

His products inspire and uplift and give you a giggle.  Mine scare the shit out of me. 

No one at Dove or Oil of Olay or Neutrogena has a sense of humor?  Can't we take life a little less seriously? 

I was about to have an epiphany about women and our desire to be perfect and feminism and was probably on my way to solving all these problems, but then Lily pushed the bathroom door open to use the litter box and Joe came in to scare me and brush his teeth.  They owe humanity a huge apology.