Now Would Not Be The Time To Remind Me That I Brought This On Myself

Lately, whenever someone dear to me asks me how I am, I tell them.  And then I start to cry.  Tears come often with complete disregard for the fact that they have not been invited to the party.  They are very sneaky.  Sometimes I start a conversation fully intending for it to be a completely normal conversation and by the end of it?  Tears.  Streaming down my face.  But all this anxiety and stress and frustration and effort means that I've lost 3 pounds this week. So that's lose/win.  BRIGHT SIDE.  Found it.

Anyway, I have come to a realization that probably seemed obvious to everyone else ages ago, which is that I can't do everything all at once.  I don't have the time in a day, or the ability to be rational, or the ability to be emotionally stable for long periods of time without sleep.  All of which are required to work full-time, study for the bar, and make wedding decisions.  The only one of those I can cut is the wedding thing.  So it's gotta go.

I am putting a moratorium on all decisions until March.  And if that means that the perfect venue gets booked through 2015 or that my target date gets taken by some other couple or that the photographer I love becomes unavailable, then so be it.  It just will not have been meant to be.  I have apologized to too many people for my current utter inability to make decisions, or think things through, or reach logical conclusions.  Right now, I cannot deal. 

Do you know what else I'm going to do in March?  Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.  Forever and ever and ever and ever.  I am going to sleep so hard.  Come April, don't even ask me what happened in March.  I missed it.  I was asleep. 

March 1, people.  Mark your calendars.  The day you can ask me how I am and not be washed away.