Sunday, April 17, 2011

The Last Time: Last Week of Classes

Tomorrow kicks off my last week of classes.  Ever.  Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited to graduate.  I try to answer as expected, but really, truly?  Not so much.  When I graduated undergrad, I had no idea what I wanted to do and didn't have anything lined up once I finished my post-graduation summer internship.  I remember being frustrated and scared and disappointed.  My path had been clear my whole life and now I didn't know what to do next.  Nothing excited me and I didn't feel properly prepared for anything.  Plus, now for the first time I had the need to make money and support myself hanging over my head. 

Law school had been in the back of my mind for as long as I could remember but I wasn't sure about it.  I took a job at a law firm so I could be around lawyers and see what it was like before I committed.  Almost two years to the day later, I started my first day at law school.  Ultimately, what appealed to me was that I would be on a clear path once it was all said and done.  There are so many things you can do with a law degree, but a JD at least narrows down the options a bit.  I knew I would be on a good, solid path that I would actually be prepared for and that I would have the tools to make a good living.

Now I'm finally on the eve of realizing all of that.  Except it still seems really far away.  I still don't know what I'm going to do or where I'm supposed to be career-wise.  I'm trying to keep my shit together, but as graduation gets closer and I'm stressed about my last set of finals, and all the projects at work, and the fact that my apartment is a pig sty, and that money is tight with no known relief coming yet, and etc. etc. etc., it is difficult to get it up for the big day. 

But today during a brief moment of clarity, I realized that I will never have this moment in this time in this place again.  My last week of classes.  I started preschool at about 3 and excepting that two year break after undergrad, school has been my life for these 27 years.  I likely will not pass this way again.  So this week, to ensure I am in the moment and also to preserve this time in my life for when I'm ready to look back on it a little more fondly, I am going to try to capture each day of this week here.  And I'm going to try to enjoy it.