Monday, January 10, 2011

I Wouldn't Mind So Much if I Had Any Hope That You Eventually Reach an Age at which the Breakouts Stop

I have become concerned of late that two very good friends of mine have not been getting the support they need lately.  This realization coupled with the fact that my own mother, my own mother, referred to me recently as almost 30 (which makes her almost 60: suck it), has motivated me to take action. 

Friends, I have purchased a sleeping bra.  Patty and Selma are rather large, you see, and I can no longer allow them their freedom as they are starting (only ever so slightly) to be bored with their current surroundings and have a notion to go a-wandering.  I cannot allow it.  I don't mind them carrying on a friendly conversation with my navel from a distance, but they shan't be allowed to meet. 

Hopefully, providing 24 hour support will stop gravity from doing its nasty work.  It will also provide me some small comfort should the need to run from an intruder ever arise, since I will be spared the indignity of making my police report with my arms crossed self-consciously.  Only good can come of this. 

Next: my recommendations for wrinkle creams, girdles, and support hose.


LWhits said...

I've always followed a reverse plan of action. I figure the less I wear a bra the stronger muscles will build up and they'll be more used to keeping themselves up!