Tuesday, March 9, 2010

A Momentary Lapse in Good Humor

Dear Sir currently sitting across from me: it is not necessary to audibly inhale every time you sip your coffee. The idea is to sip it, not suck it up through the little hole in the lid.

Also, dear Madam who was recently sitting near me: Don't worry. Your repeated pronunciation of it as going to the "liberry" is not at all embarrassing. You're only in law school. Not embarrassing for you at all. I imagine you probably spend quite a bit of time in the liberry. You know, educating yourself. In addition, stop referring to Gabourey Sidibe from Precious as a "martyr for all the fat girls." I don't think you know what that word means. When you get to the liberry, look it up.

Further, dear everybody: please shut up.

And while I'm at it: please pick up your damn trash. Oh, and stop parking your Jetta/SUV/clearly un-alternative fuel vehicle in the spots kindly reserved for those who drive alternative fuel vehicles. Because the only thing worse than contributing to the end of the earth as we know it is also being an asshole.

Oh MY GOD! Stop it! Sip it! SIP IT. I hate you.