Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Lessons Learned On The Pole

Being an expert pole dancer, having once taken a private lesson with 5 other lovely ladies to commemorate Holly's bachelorette status, I can say that those girls don't play. That is some seriously hard work. Um, excuse me, stripper lady? Am I supposed to be sweating so profusely? Because that is not sexy. Also it's causing me to be unable to securely grip the pole. Securely gripping the pole is a very necessary element of pole dancing. I learned that in pole dancing class. The other things I learned in pole dancing class are as follows:

1) You need significant upper body strength to pole dance. I do not have upper body strength. None whatsoever.

2) Grunting while trying to lift yourself is decidedly unsexy.

3) Whatever that muscle is that allows your butt to move seemingly independently from the rest of your body? Yes, I do not have that muscle. (But boy is that muscle impressive!)

4) When the only discernible talent you have worth remarking upon by your pole dancing instructor is your ability to stand pigeon-toed, you are not good at pole dancing.

5) It is okay, normal and natural to develop a girl crush on your instructor. Just don't touch her.

Moments after learning those very important and not to be ignored lessons, this is what we looked like:

Well, actually, it was more like this:

A lot like that actually. Except for the violence.


SG said...

holy sh*t! both of those videos are crazy! btw, who knew there was actually a pole dancing federation?