L & C BFF

Tonight was a typical evening with Sparkles. She awoke from a nap and made a CVS run returning with rainbow twizzlers and other assorted treats. When I asked for one she threw it at me and I had to retrieve it from between the couch and the wall. I ate it anyway. Then she threw another one at me and I had to get it out from under the end table in the corner where we never sweep. I did not eat that one. Then I took the shaving cream she had just bought from CVS and accidentally sprayed her. Then she screamed, got up and accidentally smeared shaving cream in my hair. And across my face. And then sat her shaving cream covered self on my favorite giant pillow. Rude! Then she tried to sign me up for Facebook, which I refuse to join, only she mistyped the password she gave me and we spent the next 45 minutes trying to figure it out because Sparkles apparently cannot spell "Sparkles."

There is a lot of yelling in our home and it is an abusive relationship, quite frankly. It's a wonder the neighbors don't complain because Sparkles is LOUD and I have to be LOUD just to be heard. Sparkles also really enjoys calling me dykeface. I think this is a term of endearment. Although she's usually yelling it. She also sings a lot. Loudly and off key. And sometimes when she thinks no one's looking, or maybe she's sure they are, she does a little dance on the way to the kitchen. Weirdo. She's doing it right now actually. I just looked up and caught her. Anyway, that is Sparkles and a typical evening in a nutshll. She just told me she doesn't care what I write here because she has an alias, no one will know who she is, no one will know her name is Lauren. Sorry, Lauren, the jig is up.