Oh Yesterday, When the Carton Was Pink and the Cream Was Lite...

Not every morning but many mornings, I saunter into my local convenience store for a cup of coffee. I was never much of a fan of convenience store coffee but this particular store has a lovely coffee bar, with a plethora of coffee options and a wide array of coffee accessories. My favorite coffee accessory available at this store is the Light Cream. I like my coffee light and sweet, so I will help myself to the Kona blend and top if off with about 1/4 cup of Light Cream and an Equal packet. And it is very yummy. Who needs $4/cup Starbucks when there is Light Cream to make my coffee delicious? Light Cream is a wonderful invention and I would like to personally do naughty things to the man who invented it, because really? Cream that is low-fat and still delicious? That is an invention I can get behind. And the guy who thought to put it in the pink carton? They might as well have put my name right on the label. I would watch other people filling their cups with skim milk and scoff at them and think, "who in their right mind would drink yucky skim milk when there is Light Cream right here, in a pretty pink carton? These people are clearly silly." Oh, how I scoffed. I was such a scoffing scoffer.

It was in this world I was living until this morning. This morning, as I was filling my cup with Light Cream and all was right with the world, it suddently occurred to me: Light does not mean Lite. Light Cream means as opposed to Heavy Cream. In other words, CREAM. I have not been filling my cup with a low-fat treat every morning; I have been filling my cup with cellulite and love handles! Why is this weight coming off so slowly I would ask myself. Oh, hey, moron, maybe it's because you've been drinking a 1/4 cup of cream for breakfast every morning!