Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Stupid Chickens

So I'm slowly easing back into wedding planning.  And by easing I mean I have thrown myself into it full force and possibly stay awake at night thinking about every detail.  A venue has been chosen, a date has been (ever so) tentatively set, invitation samples have been ordered and then whipped out for perusal at lunch with friends or at dinner with my cousins, photographers have been narrowed down to two, my mom is looking at flights from DFW to NYC for a weekend of dress shopping.  Though of course I have yet to commit to a single thing so nothing is official.  Writing checks scares me.  I have no doubts about my desire to get married or to get married to the person I've chosen, but I do have doubts whenever I'm required to fork over large amounts of cash. 

This last year has taught me to take nothing for granted.  I've learned so many times over this year not to count chickens.  Don't even count them when they're hatched.  Wait until they're full-grown and clucking and egg-laying and have survived their first winter and then maybe, maybe, you can start to count.  Everything is really good right now.  I'm so incredibly grateful and content.  But there's a part of me that expects Joe to come home any day now and tell me he lost his job.  Or expects my employers to break it to me that they've changed their minds.  Or for the car to break down.  Or for one of us to get sick before our benefits at work have kicked in.  Or for any number of things to potentially happen that mean we still can't move forward. 

It's the same dilemma I had before we moved to New York.  Do you wait until it makes perfect sense or do you force yourself forward come what may?  We're trying to do a little of both - balance the practical with the fancy-free.  We've decided to have a very small wedding in a beautiful setting.  Forty people watching us get married and then sitting down to an amazing dinner together.  Simple, cozy, intimate, beautiful.  Yet still somehow expensive.  Weddings are so tricky that way. 

Anyway, we are doing this.  It's going to happen.  One thing at a time.  One paycheck at a time.  I'm pretty crazy excited about it.