Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Beer Run

On Saturday, my good buddies from undergrad came in town for the night so we could have some drinking bonding time.  In anticipation of their arrival, I decided to pick up a couple 6-packs so we could get things started off on the right foot.  I went to the nearest grocery store.  No beer.  This did not phase me because the grocery store nearest me is teeny and they often don't have things a full-size store would have.  I headed to a bigger chain about 4 miles up the road.  On the way, I passed a 7-11 so I stopped there.  No beer.  I thought this strange (and frustrating) but kept towards the grocery store.  Before I got there, I passed a Wine & Spirits store so I stopped.  No beer.  Ironically, all they have are both wines and spirits.  I hope you can see where this is going because there was no beer at the big grocery store either.  That's four stops and still no beer.  I could not help thinking that I now really needed a beer.  I called my friend Ashleigh, a native Pennsylvanian and very politely asked her to explain:

"Where the hell is the beer in your God-forsaken state?"

I learned that you can only buy beer at a beer distributor.  Honestly?  I drove back to the Wine & Spirits store and asked them where the nearest beer distributor was.  About 4 miles back in the direction from which I had just come.  FINE.  I found it.  They only had cases, no 6-packs

Ashleigh?  "You can only get 6-packs at a 6-pack store.  You get cases at the beer distributor."

WTF, Pennsylvania??  I mean, say what you want about the South, but where I come from you can walk into any gas station or grocery store and buy yourself a 6-pack.  Hell, back home, you can pretty much walk into a toy store and get yourself a beer.  That's the American way. 

So let's recap the wisdom of this policy, Pennsylvania.  In your efforts to restrict my beer consumption, I had to buy four times as much beer as I wanted which I then wanted desperately to drink four times as badly.  I really do not know what is more shocking - this ass-backwards system or the fact that I have apparently lived here for over two years without once buying my own beer. 

As for the rest of the night, I will spare you the details on the off-chance that a future employer or someone important to my future ever comes across this blog. 

But in sum, it went down like this:
Phase 1 - FUN!
Phase 2 - I do not remember.
Phase 3 - I'm told it was sloppy.
Phase 4 - Recovery.  Ouch.

You really can't drink like an undergrad when you're not one anymore.  Which is a shame because I still have the better part of a case of beer in my fridge.  Way to save me from myself, Pennsylvania.


SG said...

Haha, I love it!

chickster said...

#1 I am seriously disappointed in you. How long have you lived in PA and you're just now learning where to buy beer?!?
#2 Not true. Dallas is almost completely dry with beer in a few grocery stores. All the alcohol is in Addison. GA might be different.
#3 You can buy beer, wine and hard liquor in any grocery store in CA, another reason why this crazy liberal state rules.

Kelsey said...

Just a note about GA. I'm from the Pacific Northwest, where every store sells beer any day, any time. When I moved to Georgia, I was doing my grocery shopping on a Sunday afternoon, which included one 6 pack. When my 6 little beers coasted down the belt, the check out guy and everyone in line turned to look at me with very horrified faces. Apparently, in GA, you can't buy beer on Sundays. Any other day is fine, but try it on Sunday and all of a sudden you're the devil. I learned to plan ahead and stock up, which meant I had LOTS of beer at home and was usually drunk on Sunday. Take that, GA.

D&D said...

i am perturbed. you can buy beer on the street in maine. okay not really but you probably could swindle one off a bum. so technically, yes you can.