Monday, December 14, 2009

Strangely, I Was More Scared AFTER I Read It

On occasion, I have been known to meander on over to to, you know, see what the boys are up to. I don't want to spoil it for you but here's what they're up to: thinking about sex, hot chicks, video games and then there's some other stuff but it doesnt seem to take up much room.

My favorite article of the day? Things That Scare Her in Bed. Among them are, apparently, choking her, unexpected anal play, extreme sex props, and psycho dirty talk. Also included is trying new things we haven't done before. But to curb our fears, they suggest men simply ask us, "Have you tried [insert intimidating act here] before?" I gotta tell you, whatever the intimidating act you plan to insert here is, kind of makes a really big difference as to whether we'll be any less scared just cause you asked so nicely.

Oh also, don't choke us. And, um, I don't think fears of anal play will be subdued any by it being expected rather than unexpected. In fact, if I know it's coming, well, I'm probably 10 times more terrified. Further, just the phrase "extreme sex props" alone scares the bejeezus out of me. What constitutues an extreme sex prop? I worry that our ideas of "extreme" might be very different. I don't know about you, but my mind immediately goes to battery operated tongs. Or anything with an engine. Or anything that starts with the question, "Have you tried [insert extreme sex prop here] before?" Lastly, psycho dirty talk? I really don't know what to tell you. I try to veer away from anything termed "psycho" while I'm naked. Just as a general rule.

Oh, men. Ironically, what I find most terrifying of all is that some of you had to be told this. "Dude, I tried unexpected anal play last night and my girl freaked! I did not see that coming!"

But sometimes they do give pretty good advice. Ahem. Joe. Maybe you read this.


San Diego is AmAzInG! said...

ewww! Why is Joe telling you his bathroom activities?! NOT Cool. Ever.