Carrie Bradshaw Made It Look Easy And/Or She's A Dirty Lying Liar

Hey, Philadelphia, if you saw a crazy girl in heels chasing down a double decker tour bus downtown at the corner of Broad and Locust on Thursday, July 16, 2009 at approximately 5:55 pm, hi, yeah, that was me. I can explain. I needed my keys. They were on the bus.

You need me to use more words to explain? I don't see why, but okay then. I had family in town last week and being the incredibly generous and kind person that I am, I graciously allowed all four of them to stay at my apartment. Further, being the thoughtful, magnanimous being that I so effortlessly am, I left behind my keys when I went to work so they could come and go as they pleased. Unfortunately, no additional planning went into this. So at approximately 5:05 when I was ready to leave work, I called my family to discover they were happily aboard a double decker tour bus taking in the sights and sounds of Philadelphia, PA.

Being extremely resourceful, I googled the tour bus company and found their tour route. I discovered that Stop 15 was only 4 blocks from work. They were at Stop 12. So I grabbed my bag and hauled ass towards Broad and Locust. Only, unfortunately, I was out sick on "This is Right, This is Left" day in kindergarten because I still have to hold up my hands and see which one makes the shape of an "L" to see which way is left. So I walked 6 blocks in the complete opposite direction, before finally asking a kindly valet attendant which way was Broad Street, only to see him smirk and point in the opposite direction from which I was walking. To save face, I acted as if I knew that and I was just seeing if he knew it, you know as kind of a Philadelphia Valet Attendant Directional Pop Quiz which is a new public service straight from the mayor's office. It's the new P.V.A.D.P.Q. program. Your tax dollars at work. Congratulations, you passed! I kept walking to the end of the block I was currently on and then went over to the next block to walk back up so the valet guy wouldn't see what a moron I was. Why did I care? you ask. I do not know. I put a lot of store in stranger's opinions of me. It's quite crippling and perhaps one day I will write a strikingly revealing and soul-baring blog post about it. But today I'm talking about keys and double decker buses. Equally important, I think.

Realizing I better start running if I want my keys, I start hustling up the street. I'm in heels because I sillily did not consider the possibility of chasing down a double decker tour bus when I chose my shoes that morning. Huge oversight on my part. Finally, I get to Broad right ahead of the double decker, and because I didn't look like a big enough fool running down the street in heels, dripping sweat in 92 degree humidity, I start waving my arm at the bus until I get my family's attention. They are, of course, sitting on top and as the bus approaches the corner, my cousin unceremoniously tosses the keys over the edge so they land 5 feet in front of me on the sidewalk. I should also mention the entire tour bus, including the tour guide who has stopped talking into his microphone and is grinning down, is staring at me. "Thanks!" I yell up. Welcome to Philadelphia! This is the crazed, 9 to 5 Philadelphite live reenactment, but hold tight for the Betsy Ross House. It's awesome!

Then I took off running in the opposite direction because now I had to catch my train. OWWWWWW! My feet were screaming in loud, hot, swollen protest. However, I can personally attest that while you're waiting for the train in a hot, humid train station after having run about 14 blocks in heels, nothing feels as good as discretely dropping ice cubes into your shoes. Things that make you go ahhhhhhh.