Tonight I got a little tipsy. Then I got to thinking. Drunk is a funny word. Then I sobered up a little and thought more serious thoughts. For instance, why is it that when you're drunk, you suddenly find it necessary to tell everyone you know that you are, in fact, at this moment, more than slightly inebriated? Suddenly, people in your phone who weren't important enough to invite to your college graduation or notify when you broke up with your boyfriend of seven years, are important enough to notify that, hey, I'm drunk and thought you should know. Only, it's more like, "HEY, I aM drunj aaaaaaaaaaahio, ok?"
Being drunk is a great way to catch up with old friends. It is also a great way to make new friends. All in all, I highly recommend it. But have a designated driver, don't mix too many liquors and don't get sloppy. Nobody likes a sloppy drunk. I learned that lesson the hard way and I learned it many, many times.
Also today, I had appointments with the dentist and gyno for annual check-ups. I figured I would see my usual people while I'm in town instead of finding all new doctors in Philly. I would like to report that when my gyno walked into the exam room today, the first thing she said after hello was a cheerful, "well, you're not pregnant!" Um, okay. Yay, I guess? Is that how you greet all your patients?
Apparently, some cryptic combination of responses on my annual forms had led them to believe that pregnancy was possible so they made me pee in a cup (which is standard procedure) and then ran a pregnancy test before the doctor even came in to see me. So, I didn't think I was pregnant, had no reason to suspect I was, and had no need for confirmation that I wasn't, but I'm not, so woohoo! Once again, my birth control method of sporadic and indifferent use of condoms coupled with prayer is totally paying off.
So just to recap the wisdom to be gleaned from this post: Excessive amounts of liquor? Good. Regular and consistent use of birth control when having premarital sex? Not necessary.
If I ever decide to run for office, this post will be promptly deleted and you will all deny ever seeing it, ok?
Thursday, May 14, 2009
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2 comments:
Hahaha. I'm so pleased to hear you're not pregnant and that inconsistent birth control is just as effective as consistent use. Fabulous.
Where is my shout out? Seriously. What about dinner with the fabulous *tada* Kristin? Was that not worth your words? Whats a girl gotta do around here to get a little recognition? Geez.
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